I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!

"I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!" When Kids Say Hurtful Things - by Sara Bean, M.Ed
(Thank you Jal for sharing with me!)

To parent means to sacrifice. Well before your children are born the sacrifices begin. You suffer through morning sickness, backaches, discomfort, and weight gain. Your child arrives and your life changes. You’re up all night with a crying infant or later, a sick child. You miss work when your kids are sick, you go without so they can have the things they need and want. Maybe you’ve even given up some personal goals or dreams to give more time to your children. It hurts you to see your child unhappy or unwell…and yet he has the nerve to scream at you. He gets angry and he yells, “I hate you, mom! I wish you were dead! You’re the worst mom ever!” Perhaps your teen even goes on to say, “I can’t wait to get the f--- out of this house! I hate it here!”

Your child probably doesn’t feel like he owes you anything 
for all the great work you do as a parent—
most kids don’t, 
in part because they perceive the world very differently than we do.

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Over in a Flash - Bangkok Day 4

Knowing that we have barely a few hours before we need to depart for the airport
We had made many plans... to eat wanton mee again, to do last minute shopping spree, to eat mango sticky rice again, etc etc

But... after the clubbing session the night before
I literally was not able to climb out from bed
Sigh... gone are the days when I could club till dawn and continue my normal routines the next day

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Hello Kitty Cafe and the Not so Yummy Mookata - Bangkok Day 3

In a flash, it's Day 3 already
"The end" is almost near, but that is so many more we wanted to do here...
A pity that we were quickly running out of time

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15 Things I'm Embarrassed To Admit I Need From My Future Husband

Source: Your Tango

Can you handle it, future husband of mine?
When it comes to meeting my husband one day, I’m a little worried. Not because I’m afraid it won’t happen (okay, that’s a complete lie, but moving on), but because I’ve been single for a while. And though this solo stint taught me at ton about my values and desires, it's also given me time to think about the things I absolutely need in a partner.
Some are a little unrealistic, some are must-haves, and others will probably pop up along the way, but in no particular order ... here are the things that I’ll need from my future husband.

I need you to ...

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A Day of Pampering - Bangkok Day 2

Day 1 had passed by too quickly. My taste buds were satisfied, my need for shopping therapy realised, my aching nerves soothed by massages and the extremely comfortable hotel bed compensated for my previous constant sleep deficit, I am all geared for Day 2 in Bangkok

Recall that we had spent a long time in a MBK sunnies shop and left with not one, not two, but 5 pairs of sunnies? Today is the day we shall put these sunnies to good use

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Fatherless Women: What Happens to the Adult Woman who was Raised Without her Father?

Source: Trans4mind by Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.

Little girls who live without a father do so not only due to death, abandonment, or divorce, but also due to physically present fathers but who are emotionally absent, or ill over a lengthy period of time in some way (clinical depression, terminal disease, etc.), or because the father is a workaholic, or because in some fashion the father is a disappointment to the daughter, as might be the case in a weak or ineffectual father. Such differing types of absence in the girl's life may have major consequences of varying kinds, since a healthy emotional and socio-psychological developmental trajectory in the early years of life does require some type of positive paternal role model.

Seeing the Self Reflected
Optimally, a little girl needs to see herself reflected in the love she sees for herself in her father's eyes. This is how she develops self confidence and self esteem. This is how she develops a healthy familiarity with what a positive expression of love feels like. This is how she develops an appreciation for her own looks, her own body. This is how she develops what Jungians would call her 'animus,' her counter-sexual self; her masculine self, which will help her be proactive, productive, and creative in the outer world as she grows into adulthood.

If, however, the little girl does not have such a relationship with the father, if she sees rejection or emotional coldness or withdrawal in him, or if he simply is not available at all, her sense of self will be tainted, her self confidence warped or non-existent, her portrait of a loving relationship may be distorted or dysfunctional, and she may find herself - no matter how pretty, vivacious, lovable, funny, or intelligent - lacking in appeal.

Belief in the Self
Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one's own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not. The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige. The value of such a belief in oneself, easily acquired by the woman with a positive relationship to her father, is immeasurable in the adult life, and the lack of it in many of the countless women who were raised without a positive father image, may cause the life course to be fraught with difficulties.

The Multi-faceted Arena of Relationships
Perhaps the arena in which the most painful process of learning how to deal with the early lack of a father is played out is in that of relationships. If a girl has not been assured of her value as a woman by that early relationship with the father, she finds it difficult to relate to men precisely because she may often unconsciously seek to find that recognition in the eyes of the beloved…and this may lead her down an early path of promiscuity... which in turn makes her feel she is “bad”, but on she marches, relentlessly visiting bed after bed, locking in a fierce embrace with man after man, in the hope that this one or that one, or the next one will finally give her that which she never had as a child - validation of herself for herself.

Marrying 'Daddy'
Other women may choose another route, falling in love with an older man and thus marrying 'daddy.' At this point many different scenarios may ensue. If the man is at all psychologically aware (something often, but not always lacking in older men who like younger girls), he may have a vague inkling of what is going on. Therefore, once she starts - within the secure confines of the relationship or marriage - the process of growth, which will inevitably lead her to separate from her husband in some ways that are emotionally and psychologically necessary in order for her become her own woman, he will not blanch in fear at this process, and allow her the necessary space and freedom to do so. In that case, the marriage will in all likelihood thrive and continue to grow. If, however, the man is not aware, and sees her search for growth as a threat to the superiority he felt upon marrying a young, and as yet undeveloped woman, he will attempt to stifle her, to manipulate her psychologically by making her believe she is worthless, silly, or, and this appears to be a perennial favorite, that she "needs professional help in order to calm down and behave like she used to before."

Avoiding Engaging the Emotions
Another possible scenario (and there are many more which for reasons of space can not be touched upon in this article) is that of avoiding relationships totally, or of avoiding the engagement of one's emotions (see my July 2006 Newsletter for an article about this scenario expressed as neediness - both for men and for women). Examples here abound: the maiden aunt, who dedicates her life to her nieces and nephews, or who becomes a teacher and dedicates her life to her career; the nun, who dedicates her life to God, or the prostitute, who, although she may engage her body, rarely engages her emotions. Another example is that of the eternal seductress, who needs to remain in control by seducing the man and never actually involving her own feelings. A slightly more difficult to recognize version of the same scenario is played out by the woman who consistently has relationships with married men who never leave their respective wives for her. On an unconscious level this suits her just fine because it gives her the perfect excuse never to have to commit herself totally.

Finding Self-Confidence and Recognition in the Self
The core of the matter is, of course, that the self-confidence and recognition so avidly sought must be found within oneself rather than in the outer world - at least initially - in order to be of lasting and true value. The world of emotions that is avoided out of fear or because one never really learned what love is, must first be found in oneself (i.e. it is necessary to love the self before one loves another). The task of accomplishing this, requires that the individual become aware of him or herself (by observing the self, the self-talk, and all emotions that occur, good or bad, since all of these serve to give clues about the true self), and that absolute honesty about oneself be employed in this process. Let the reader be warned: this process is not a simple weekend project; it must be ongoing throughout life; it must become second nature, but it will pave the road to finding inner self-confidence and love for oneself, which will in turn lead to the abolishment of the need for finding these things in another. This is one of the roads to inner freedom that psychological knowledge offers.

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Away for Too Long - Bangkok Day 1

I think it is a completely absurd situation, when your wardrobe is obviously exploding from the sheer numbers of clothes stuffed inside, but yet day in day out, I just couldn’t find anything I feel like wearing
And oh well… me being me
I brushed away my logical left brain’s nagging reminders that I already have enough clothes…
and succumbed to my haunting wants of “enough is just NOT enough” (✿◠‿◠)

Almost a year had passed since I last went Bangkok for a wild shopping spree
A perfect timing to plan for another trip to Bangkok to revamp/restock my wardrobe!

Note: Pictures contributed by LDR’s Olympus EPL-7, Chloe’s amazing iPhone 6+ and my Canon G7x

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Blessed Birthday Marathon - Round 1 : Steamboat Paradise

It was the onset of my annual emotional turbulence
Where my mood plunge low on Christmas, a high for my boy’s birthday, then a all time low nearing my late hubby’s death anniversary and finally followed by moderation on my birthday
Every year, I am blessed with people who tried really hard to bring a smile to my face
Even when I was obviously not ready for smiles year on year, they never did give up trying

This year I got the same hit
Even though my Christmas, though still as stressful and intimidating, went by peacefully
But the constant battle with professional tsunami coupled with frequent personal tidal storms had worn my frail body to a frazzle

That day… I was supposed to have a date with my girlies
But after a day of battling… I felt as if 10 trucks had ran over me and all I wanted to do was to head home, rot and die….

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It's Time

When you think of quitting, think why you started
But I was also told, sometimes knowing when to stop is also a good thing

This is such a confusing world
But comes what may! 
Life's a bitch, and that made me one! Lol!
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COT 2014 Gathering @ Spruce

It’s that time of the year, to trigger my COT’s Annual Get-Together cum my dearest Jenny’s birthday celebration
Just like many years before, understanding the hectic schedules of my Uni mates, I triggered the group chat way in advance
But alas, due to traveling plans, reservist plans, wedding dinner plans, we ended up missing both the planned birthday celebrations of Chloe and Jenny
So sorry my dears… let me try again in 2015!

Despite that, we proceeded to have our Annual Get-Together
Minus the celebrations, with a smaller group
But not missing the usual hilarious laughers and usual chattering
I sure miss those days when I get to see you people day-in-day-out (*sulkz* I know I had been saying the same things for years… but I cannot conceal my sadness)

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How To Begin Rebuilding Your Life And Make It Ridiculously Amazing

Goodbye Twenty Fourteen!
Thank you for the Hopes, the Dreams, the Happiness and the Bliss
Thank you for the Lessons, the Pains, the Challenges and the Disappointments
As I marched into the new Twenty Fifteen, a year older, a year wiser
Hope 2015 would be a year of peace, tranquility and simplicity
Bring me Faith and Forgiveness, to Myself and Everyone else

Sharing an interesting article
I have learnt, that my biggest flaw is my inability to forgive myself
Come 2015, I will learn to forgive myself more, accept my mistakes more, and love myself more
At the end of the day, we are only humans, learning the ways of the world as each day commence
Even Superman cannot save the world alone
I am not even Superman, so how can another speck of dust like me tries to shoulder everything?

"Let Your Past Makes You Better, Not Bitter"

Source: The Mind Unleashed

“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” 
~ Joseph Addison

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Somebody to Share

I am finally giving up my compulsive blogosphere obsession with posting entries in chronological order
It is an almost impossible task for me to find sufficient time (and energy) to sit in from of my Mac, sort out pictures which potentially comes from multiple sources and potentially varying time stamps, organise them and post them up the way I intended them to be
This space of mine had been neglected, a growing interval from days, to weeks, to months and probably to years if I still don’t do anything about it

Since challenge had been identified, bottleneck uncovered, time to put in some corrective actions (wahahahahaha, I am sounding so corporate again)

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10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World

Since I am Introvert
Pls understand that sometimes (many a times), I see and feel the world very differently from many people
I am not weird... I just belong to a smaller mass
其实。。。我也不想这样的 (LDR to NOTE!)

Source: Huffington Posts

Introverts and extraverts may seem the same on the surface, but if you look at the way they respond to life's everyday occurrences, differences begin to emerge.

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23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert

Nobody believes that I am in Introvert
I doubted it myself...
Till I read this...
21.5 out of 23! I am an almost pure Introvert!

Source: Huffington Post

Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily have an introverted personality.

"Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," tells The Huffington Post. "A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts."

People are frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy -- because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just cultivating time alone. Instead, it can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they're losing or gaining energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them pleasure.

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Plane to Escapism

It was one of those nights
When it was too late for most
But too early for me to end the day
I hadn't had enough of us
Hadn't had enough of him
But yet we hadn't had a clue where to head to

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